The standard scaremongering tactic employed whenever someone gets a tattoo is that it’ll look awful when your skin wrinkles, not to mention the horror when your grandchildren innocently ask why you’ve got a smiley face scrawled on your ass. Although you'd no doubt be asking yourself how you ended up in the latter predicament in the first place should it occur.
Of course, as anyone who has received a barbed bicep wire tattoo in the 1990s, or who has laughed at some unfortunate soul who has to walk around with one every day, will tell you, tattoos, like any trend, come and go. If you’re lucky, your chosen design might be cyclical and might eventually rear its head to become a ‘retro look’ twenty years later.
However, in the case of tattoos or – yes, we’re serious – baby names, there is absolutely no hope that your choice will ever be anything other than horribly outdated within the next 12 months if you’re taking your inspiration from social networks.
Just imagine what life must be like should you be a four-year-old walking around right now cursed with the name ‘Bebo’, bullied on a daily basis alongside six-year-old Friendster, who is already begging to be home schooled? Don’t laugh; an Egyptian child was named Facebook in February 2011 at the height of the ‘Arab Spring’ protests, in honor of the site that was thought to have been a major force for organization among anti-government forces at the time.
‘Facebook’ pales in comparison to an even more recent name, however. Believe it or not, back in May 2011 it was revealed that Israeli parents Lior and Vardit Adler had decided to name their child ‘Like’. That’s right; they didn’t name their daughter after Facebook, they got their inspiration from a button on Facebook.
"We named her Like because it's modern and innovative," father Lior Adler explained to Israeli newspaper Maariv at the time. "I checked that the name does not exist elsewhere in the country, that was the main condition for me," he added.
Of course it doesn’t exist anywhere else (in the world, never mind just Israel) Lior – that’s because you’re a crazy person.
At least when you’ve decided to resign your child to a life of cruel taunts, they can eventually legally change their name. With tattoos, however, you’re left with expensive laser tattoo removal, not to mention years of former acquaintances accosting you at bars and asking if you’re that weird guy with a picture of ‘Tom from MySpace’ tattooed on their arm.
That’s probably the future for Auto-Tune crooner T-Pain, who proudly displayed his latest ink to his Twitter followers in January 2011 – the message ‘You Don’t Have To ‘Like’ Me’, which he tweeted a picture of alongside the message: “I get a tatt every time I come to Hawaii. I think this one is pretty sweet, unless Facebook shuts down soon.”
As you’ve probably noticed, Facebook hasn’t shut down, but what if the social network even slightly tweaks their Facebook icon appearance? What if Facebook renames the function? What if maybe – just maybe – a Facebook tattoo is a horrendously bad idea?
If you’re going to get any corporate insignia tattooed on your body, ensure its timelessness by opting for a Coca-Cola logo, which has been going strong since 1885. Failing that, how about the classic ‘Mom’ love heart tattoo instead? It’s simple, it’s classic and considering that she scarred her body giving birth to you, it’s only right that you eventually return the favor.